Wednesday was an interesting day. First of all, I skipped class. Which I like to do once in a while just to mix it up. After some much needed sleep and some good times staring at the ceiling, I took the bus downtown. I met with a key employee at the Sokhnut, Jewish Agency, who is helping me with my plan of world conquest. Or, in this case, with composing a letter in Hebrew. The Jewish Agency offices in Jerusalem are located in "City Tower" a 20-floor building at the intersection of Ben Yehuda and King George streets. As most of Jerusalem has the same 2-3 floor buildings it had a 100 years ago and as new buildings are rarely built downtown, the view from the office is impressive, even if it is only the 14th floor. Afterwards, I walked down Ben Yehuda toward the Old City. This stretch of Ben Yehuda, while a bit of a tourist trap, is still entertaining. Lots of various Jerusalemites and tourists walking about, buying things and speaking English. Once I reached Kikar Ha'Zion, I hung a right and attempted to visit my uncle in his office. He's a dentist, but I guess, like other Israeli businessmen, he doesn't see the need to be open in the middle of a random weekday. I then proceeded to the Old City, via some interesting streets I had never known, and that's when the fun started.
I walked into the Christian quarter, which is inhabited by Christian Arabs. Despite what people who have never been to the Old City think, or who have only seen parts of it, the Old City actually covers a great deal of territory and has some very large building complexes. The Christian quarter has enormous churches and monasteries, many of them doubling as schools, that sit on sizable grounds. The Christian quarter is relatively clean, and many of its residents are fairly wealthy. It's not quite as nice as the Jewish quarter, but it still has that Mediterranean-but-with-money look that I find really attractive. A mix of Jerusalem stone and millenia old architecture with a dose of class. I must have wondered around it for an hour, following little winding alleys into the nooks and what not. Eventually, I wondered into the courtyard of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, which, as you all know, is built on the place where key Christian events are deemed to have occured. Specifically, Jesus's crucifiction, his burial, his ressurection and then ascent to heaven. Those of you who have been know that it is an enormous structure, with numerous corridors and rooms, and it is built on top of solid rock. This rock is actually built into in many places, and has been dug down into to reveal various areas holy to Christians.
So, being the good Jew that I am, I decided to get a tour of the lord Jesus Christ's previous haunts. Being the very Jewish Jew that I am, I wasn't about to pay for it. So, I snuck up to a Russian tour group and proceeded to follow them around. For some reason it was all women aged 30 to 4o, which is not as sexy is sounds. The tour guide was quite good and although he gave me a few glances, he opted not to confront my invasion of his little group. I like to think it's because of my self-confidence that I got my way, but it could be that he just didn't care one way or the other. Aside from giving excellent facts, he was clearly putting across an Eastern Orthodox Christian agenda, which included a few choice stabs at Jews and some minor distorting of Israeli history. I reacted with pinpoint questions, which he artfully avoided. Anti-semite. Anyways, the highlight was that after we descended into some cavern of sorts, a random priest came up and told us we could go and check out the base of the rock of Golgotha, that being the place where Jesus was crucified. The Church excavated the supposed rock of Golgotha a long time ago, but access to its large base is rare and requires a lot of bureacracy and connections. This is because people chip off pieces as keepsakes, and after thousands of years of rock-hungry pilgrims, the Church decided to clamp down. For some reason, we were allowed in. We entered into an iron door, followed a 100 meter long cave-like passage, and emerged in a large, well-lit room, one of the walls of which is the rock of Golgotha. One of the random rocks also had a boat drawn on it. Turns out, that boat is the earliest proof that pilgrims have been coming to Jerusalem to get a piece of Jesus and was only discovered recently. Kind of exciting.
We then emerged, and after some Eastern Orthodox propoganda, I left the group and went up to a room that is build around the top of Golgotha, where the cross was located. I watched a long procession of tourist-pilgrims patiently waiting in line, then getting down on their knees, reaching down to touch the rock and praying in that Christian way they do. I probably shouldn't have felt amused by how funny they looked, but I did. I then went to observe another procession of pilgrims doing their touching/praying thing at the grave of Jesus, where he was supposedly buried for three days before being ressurected. What is the story with getting down on one's knees? The Muslims do this as well, and I find it interesting that Jews do not.
Speaking of Jews, after all this Christianity, I needed to get back to my people. So I walked out of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, and made my way out of the Christian quarter into the Moslem quarter. It was clear that it was Muslim, because the buildings immediately got shabbier, the streets dirtier, and there was lots of uncollected trash. This is all fact, anyone who doesn't believe that these people have issues keeping their public areas clean needs to see it for themselves. Many people, Jews in particular, wouldn't feel safe walking around an all Moslem area, especially once it starts getting dark. And yes, there were large groups of rough looking young men sitting around, which would appear menacing to many. Unless of course you believe in doing whatever you think is right and G-d will take care of the rest. Then the concept of fear for one's physical safety doesn't really work the same way as for other people. Or, you can just call me crazy.
I walked around a bit and did not really enjoy myself due to all the filth, and maybe due to the annoyance of being surrounded by people who want all the Israeli Jews to vanish. The highlight of being in that quarter was seeing several groups of loud, chattering Israeli soldier-girls walking around. I don't know if they were shopping or were just sent there to show a presence, but it's probably the latter. The Arabs did not look happy with all those empowered women with their M-16's walking about the neighborhood, speaking Hebrew. But then again, their lives have improved by leaps and bounds since the Hashemites stopped being their overlords, and they've been able to progress in a more Western economic structure. Many of them are secretly thankful. That's why studies consistently show that Israeli Arabs prefer Israel to all the nations of the Middle East as their place of residence. Something about not being treated like cattle by ruthless dictators with massive police apparatuses that seems to really appeal to people.
When I've had enough, I approached the border with the Jewish quarter. Actually, I didn't know my way around and walked to the border by accident. It's not a border in the traditional sense, all the houses share walls, but there are certain crossing points from one side to another. This one was a bit of checkpoint, which is interesting as one can generally walk all around the Old City without having to go through any security. As I walked through the metal detector, one of the guards asked me "Where are you going?", and I replied "Just walking around, what's the problem?", "Well, there's no problem, we just have to make sure no Arabs can come through here." , "Why?" "This leads to a tunnel that comes out at the Kotel". All the ways one can enter the Kotel (Western Wall) area are guarded, and this was one from the Moslem side I never knew about. Makes sense though. You can't have random Arab youths running wild in a place like that. Apparently, older Arabs can get in, if the guard determines that they don't seem like they'd cause problems.
Don't worry, my social justice friends, the Jews get the same treatment with regard to the Temple Mount. The Western Wall, Kotel, is the retaining wall of the Second Temple. However, the Temple Mount itselt is the area to the east of the Kotel. This area, due to weakness on the part of the Israeli government during that key year of 1967, is part of the Moslem quarter and is under the contorl of the Wakf, a religious council. The Moslems have got the Jews to agree that the Israeli police will prevent Jews from entering the Temple Mount area (where the 1st and 2nd Temple once stood), unless they are accompanied by a Wakf official, and leave any Jewish objects with the guards. Also, Jews cannot pray or do anything that looks Jewish while there. Basically, this is a ban on Jewish presence on the Temple Mount. In the past generation, the Arabs have been excavating the Temple Mount and destroying and dumping Jewish artifacts in order to erase proof of the Jewishness of the site. There are garbage heaps that are being searched by Israeli archeologists for Jewish artifacts. This is totally unacceptable, I do not understand how a Jewish state can allow this type of destruction and defilement, but I guess I can bring that up when I am prime minister.
Back to my story. I passed the checkpoint successfully, walked down a tunnel and emerged in the Kotel plaza. After a day of Christianity and more of a dose of Islam than I could ever want, I felt SO good to be around thousands of fellow Jews. Just as a test for one's Jewishness I guess - try walking around very un-Jewish areas, then surround yourself with lots of Jews. If you feel relieved and at home, you should probably keep that Jewish ID card we all carry around. You know, the one that verifies our membership in the Jewish Bankers Guild and participation in the Zionist conspiracy. If you genuinely feel totally indifferent, then you are probably so assimilated into the non-Jewish world that you can consider yourself no longer a member of the tribe. You're now free from persecutions, evictions, genocides and any association with the Israeli-Arab conflict. The fact that the Protocols of Zion have been a best seller in the Moslem world for the past 10 years no longer matters, the fact that Moslem media sources use articles, books, cartoons and TV shows to drive home stereotypical anti-semitic themes no longer seems like an issue. Hmm... sounds nice, actually... I can find myself a nice blue-eyed, blond girl with a nose turned slightly upward... we can celebrate Christmas and chase fried bacon with milk...
I walked into the Christian quarter, which is inhabited by Christian Arabs. Despite what people who have never been to the Old City think, or who have only seen parts of it, the Old City actually covers a great deal of territory and has some very large building complexes. The Christian quarter has enormous churches and monasteries, many of them doubling as schools, that sit on sizable grounds. The Christian quarter is relatively clean, and many of its residents are fairly wealthy. It's not quite as nice as the Jewish quarter, but it still has that Mediterranean-but-with-money look that I find really attractive. A mix of Jerusalem stone and millenia old architecture with a dose of class. I must have wondered around it for an hour, following little winding alleys into the nooks and what not. Eventually, I wondered into the courtyard of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, which, as you all know, is built on the place where key Christian events are deemed to have occured. Specifically, Jesus's crucifiction, his burial, his ressurection and then ascent to heaven. Those of you who have been know that it is an enormous structure, with numerous corridors and rooms, and it is built on top of solid rock. This rock is actually built into in many places, and has been dug down into to reveal various areas holy to Christians.
So, being the good Jew that I am, I decided to get a tour of the lord Jesus Christ's previous haunts. Being the very Jewish Jew that I am, I wasn't about to pay for it. So, I snuck up to a Russian tour group and proceeded to follow them around. For some reason it was all women aged 30 to 4o, which is not as sexy is sounds. The tour guide was quite good and although he gave me a few glances, he opted not to confront my invasion of his little group. I like to think it's because of my self-confidence that I got my way, but it could be that he just didn't care one way or the other. Aside from giving excellent facts, he was clearly putting across an Eastern Orthodox Christian agenda, which included a few choice stabs at Jews and some minor distorting of Israeli history. I reacted with pinpoint questions, which he artfully avoided. Anti-semite. Anyways, the highlight was that after we descended into some cavern of sorts, a random priest came up and told us we could go and check out the base of the rock of Golgotha, that being the place where Jesus was crucified. The Church excavated the supposed rock of Golgotha a long time ago, but access to its large base is rare and requires a lot of bureacracy and connections. This is because people chip off pieces as keepsakes, and after thousands of years of rock-hungry pilgrims, the Church decided to clamp down. For some reason, we were allowed in. We entered into an iron door, followed a 100 meter long cave-like passage, and emerged in a large, well-lit room, one of the walls of which is the rock of Golgotha. One of the random rocks also had a boat drawn on it. Turns out, that boat is the earliest proof that pilgrims have been coming to Jerusalem to get a piece of Jesus and was only discovered recently. Kind of exciting.
We then emerged, and after some Eastern Orthodox propoganda, I left the group and went up to a room that is build around the top of Golgotha, where the cross was located. I watched a long procession of tourist-pilgrims patiently waiting in line, then getting down on their knees, reaching down to touch the rock and praying in that Christian way they do. I probably shouldn't have felt amused by how funny they looked, but I did. I then went to observe another procession of pilgrims doing their touching/praying thing at the grave of Jesus, where he was supposedly buried for three days before being ressurected. What is the story with getting down on one's knees? The Muslims do this as well, and I find it interesting that Jews do not.
Speaking of Jews, after all this Christianity, I needed to get back to my people. So I walked out of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, and made my way out of the Christian quarter into the Moslem quarter. It was clear that it was Muslim, because the buildings immediately got shabbier, the streets dirtier, and there was lots of uncollected trash. This is all fact, anyone who doesn't believe that these people have issues keeping their public areas clean needs to see it for themselves. Many people, Jews in particular, wouldn't feel safe walking around an all Moslem area, especially once it starts getting dark. And yes, there were large groups of rough looking young men sitting around, which would appear menacing to many. Unless of course you believe in doing whatever you think is right and G-d will take care of the rest. Then the concept of fear for one's physical safety doesn't really work the same way as for other people. Or, you can just call me crazy.
I walked around a bit and did not really enjoy myself due to all the filth, and maybe due to the annoyance of being surrounded by people who want all the Israeli Jews to vanish. The highlight of being in that quarter was seeing several groups of loud, chattering Israeli soldier-girls walking around. I don't know if they were shopping or were just sent there to show a presence, but it's probably the latter. The Arabs did not look happy with all those empowered women with their M-16's walking about the neighborhood, speaking Hebrew. But then again, their lives have improved by leaps and bounds since the Hashemites stopped being their overlords, and they've been able to progress in a more Western economic structure. Many of them are secretly thankful. That's why studies consistently show that Israeli Arabs prefer Israel to all the nations of the Middle East as their place of residence. Something about not being treated like cattle by ruthless dictators with massive police apparatuses that seems to really appeal to people.
When I've had enough, I approached the border with the Jewish quarter. Actually, I didn't know my way around and walked to the border by accident. It's not a border in the traditional sense, all the houses share walls, but there are certain crossing points from one side to another. This one was a bit of checkpoint, which is interesting as one can generally walk all around the Old City without having to go through any security. As I walked through the metal detector, one of the guards asked me "Where are you going?", and I replied "Just walking around, what's the problem?", "Well, there's no problem, we just have to make sure no Arabs can come through here." , "Why?" "This leads to a tunnel that comes out at the Kotel". All the ways one can enter the Kotel (Western Wall) area are guarded, and this was one from the Moslem side I never knew about. Makes sense though. You can't have random Arab youths running wild in a place like that. Apparently, older Arabs can get in, if the guard determines that they don't seem like they'd cause problems.
Don't worry, my social justice friends, the Jews get the same treatment with regard to the Temple Mount. The Western Wall, Kotel, is the retaining wall of the Second Temple. However, the Temple Mount itselt is the area to the east of the Kotel. This area, due to weakness on the part of the Israeli government during that key year of 1967, is part of the Moslem quarter and is under the contorl of the Wakf, a religious council. The Moslems have got the Jews to agree that the Israeli police will prevent Jews from entering the Temple Mount area (where the 1st and 2nd Temple once stood), unless they are accompanied by a Wakf official, and leave any Jewish objects with the guards. Also, Jews cannot pray or do anything that looks Jewish while there. Basically, this is a ban on Jewish presence on the Temple Mount. In the past generation, the Arabs have been excavating the Temple Mount and destroying and dumping Jewish artifacts in order to erase proof of the Jewishness of the site. There are garbage heaps that are being searched by Israeli archeologists for Jewish artifacts. This is totally unacceptable, I do not understand how a Jewish state can allow this type of destruction and defilement, but I guess I can bring that up when I am prime minister.
Back to my story. I passed the checkpoint successfully, walked down a tunnel and emerged in the Kotel plaza. After a day of Christianity and more of a dose of Islam than I could ever want, I felt SO good to be around thousands of fellow Jews. Just as a test for one's Jewishness I guess - try walking around very un-Jewish areas, then surround yourself with lots of Jews. If you feel relieved and at home, you should probably keep that Jewish ID card we all carry around. You know, the one that verifies our membership in the Jewish Bankers Guild and participation in the Zionist conspiracy. If you genuinely feel totally indifferent, then you are probably so assimilated into the non-Jewish world that you can consider yourself no longer a member of the tribe. You're now free from persecutions, evictions, genocides and any association with the Israeli-Arab conflict. The fact that the Protocols of Zion have been a best seller in the Moslem world for the past 10 years no longer matters, the fact that Moslem media sources use articles, books, cartoons and TV shows to drive home stereotypical anti-semitic themes no longer seems like an issue. Hmm... sounds nice, actually... I can find myself a nice blue-eyed, blond girl with a nose turned slightly upward... we can celebrate Christmas and chase fried bacon with milk...
posted by Felix at
11:57 AM
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