In the past week, I've spent lots of time with family and friends, including a wonderful wedding on Saturday night. Unfortunately, I can only enjoy myself when I compartmentalize reality. Because for me the reality is that my Jewish brothers are falling in combat. I am in deep pain. But there's little that can be done to alter the reality of having a large, well-armed, well-trained enemy force, supported by Syria and Iran, fighting for the destruction of Israel. They have their goals and they have clearly stated them over the years. "The Zionist entity will be destroyed." This is their call, their belief and they are not backing down. They brought the war to us and now we have to defend ourselves.

I can only enjoy being with friends and family when I set aside the reality of life in Israel. My heart and soul are there, and I can't wait to get back. My prayers don't have the same effect here as they do in Israel. In Israel, I am closer to the source. The essence of Jewish belief places Israel in the center of all observance and prayer.

Most Jews in the US don't care. They live in denial of Israel's spiritual power. And if they do care and do realize what Israel means to Judaism as a religion and to the Jews as a people, then they are unwilling to put the proverbial money where their mouth is. I know that not all Jews are supposed to come back to Israel. Many are meant to remain in the Diaspora, where they will either assimilate or give birth to children who will do what their parents couldn't. But I cannot be happy or content with their lack of desire, lack of Zionism. Without Zionism, Judaism is an empty shell, with empty rituals. I try to practice Ahavat Israel - the love of all Jews, but I know deep inside that I may never master this one trait. Other believing Jews, who can understand the significance of every Jew, will have to pick up Ahavat Israel one extra notch to make up for the likes of me. But I can never look at the unfair distribution of Jewish responsibility and say that there's a purpose to it. The hardcore Zionists win the argument in my mind.

I may make nasty comments about left-wingers in Israel, but they are closer to me and to my spirituality than the most learned Orthodox in the US. The secular, tatooed, left-wing Tel-Aviv club-goer is my dearest brother. The fully observant, Torah-knowledgable American Jew is a distant cousin, on a low spiritual level. When a secular Israeli tells me that he doesn't need to observe Shabbat because he lives in Israel and that's enough of an expression of his Judaism, I cannot say that he is completely wrong. The greatest Brooklyn rebbe cannot be compared to the secular kibbutznik who risks his life for Israel. I believe this absolutely.